Friday, April 18, 2008

I HATE! Unibrows

The above is a still from the footage CNN took from inside the Mormon compound in Texas, right after all the children had been taken and put into protective custody. While this is a very serious issue, that is obviously not what I intend to blog about. I would like everyone out there (all 2 of you) to guess, judging from the above photo, what I will be blogging about today.

You guessed it... the UNIBROW! I will admit that I hate the unibrow and half love it. The thought of having one long eyebrow is so amusing to me that I would possibly be willing to put aside all (or a little bit) of my hatred for it. I think, maybe the line between my love and hate for the unibrow, in fact, depends on whether the wearer of 'the brow' is male or female.

If the wearer is a woman, she is obviously a pimp because if you are a woman and don't know that women should never ever ever have a unibrow, then you're totally living in your own isolated little bubble (i.e. polygamist compound in Texas) and don't care about societal norms and more power to your for defying the modern-day expectations. I mean, I would never sport the uni, but I respect the woman who has the courage to walk around with what looks to be a caterpillar taking a nap on her brow bone.

On the other side of this argument, which I admit is 100% sexist by the way, there is the man who sports the uni - unacceptable! NO woman is attracted to a guy with a unibrow (which is not to say that men are actually attracted to women with unibrows), but seriously fellows, just because you're a guy and you are usually less hygienic then your female counterparts, does not mean you can walk around without tweezing. It's very necessary.

Take this scenario for example: Two of my friends and I were in a pub in Ireland, imbibing an laughing, when we were approached by a nice Irish fellow with the WORST UNIBROW I HAVE EVER SEEN. It was straight across, not even a little less hair in the middle - it was completely the same thickness ALL THE WAY ACROSS. Of course he tried to hit on one of the girls I was with and of course, she couldn't even bare to look to him because of the brow. There was a chance that he could have been a decent-looking fellow if he had had two brows instead of one, but no one could see past the brow. We just laughed and laughed even though we tried not to. And the poor fellow probably had no idea why we were cackling like hyenas. We weren't even trying to be mean, but how can you seriously try to approach a girl with a brow like that? Seriously??

And the thing is, it's very easy to fix a unibrow. All you need is some tweezers. It may a take awhile, but it's as easy as plucking those stray hairs (or thick bush, whatever may the case be) away!

And if the solution is this simple, doesn't that mean there's no excuse for a uni?


Kelly Thompson said...

i saw him again on the streets of dublin! i hope he reads your blog and gets that shit waxed!

Liz Bannan said...

you're joking! u didn't see him??!?!