Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I HATE! Muffin Top

After being sent the link to the picture above by a dear friend of mine, the following AIM conversation ensued:

Kelirish18: yes - that's some really bad muffin top

emdemas3: yeah

emdemas3: like turbo

Kelirish18: i would like to write about it

emdemas3: i think you should

Kelirish18: although muffin top that severe is kind of it's own punishment

emdemas3: yes

Kelirish18: i am also going to use these last few AIMs to introduce my point

Kelirish18: do you consent?

emdemas3: si

Muffin top...how to describe it? Pretend you can't see the picture I posted at the top of this entry. Muffin top has been described (by William Safire in The New York Times Magazine) as "the roll of excess flesh spilling out primarily in front but possibly all around" of the top of one's pants. This means your pants are too tight, although by some miracle, you have been able to button them, but the fat that you couldn't squeeze into the pants overflows out of the top of the waistband.

You know, we've all been there. I'm not going to completely condemn anyone who occasionally sports a bit of muffin top. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you put on a pair of jeans you haven't worn in a while only to discover that you've gained a little weight around the middle. This can cause muffin top. Or sometimes your pants slide down from wear and all of a sudden - presto! - muffin top has been magically created.

I'm the first one to admit that in high school, I often tried to squeeze myself into pants that were a little bit too small for me. (The painted-on pants look was big circa 1999 - 2003.) This is the most common cause of the muffin top and usually causes the most severe kind. See the photo above for a perfect example. But look, the reason I really hate muffin top is because a) it looks icky, especially when the muffin-topper's shirt is also simultaneously riding up to expose said muffin top and b) because muffin top can be easily remedied with a bigger pair of pants.
And don't tell me you can't bear to admit that you've grown width-wise. I know it hurts to go up a pants size. Admittedly, I've been known to refuse to buy clothes if I can't fit into the size I think I should normally wear. But seriously, if the size you think you should normally wear causes the muffin top effect pictured above, it's time to admit you need to go up a size... or a couple sizes.
And if you refuse to admit to yourself that you need the next size up, do what I do - cut the size tag out. Believe me, you'll be doing us ALL a favor.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I HATE! Selfishness

Yes, I'll admit - everyone is selfish once in a while. And once in awhile, selfishness is OK. Like alcohol, selfishness is not detrimental when used in moderation. However, it never ceases to amaze me just how selfish people can be. Let's take a example straight out of the headlines:

AIG executives spent thousands during hunting trip
CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) — A handful of top executives from American International Group Inc. spent thousands of dollars during a recent English hunting trip, even as the New York-based insurer asked for an additional $37.8 billion loan from the Federal Reserve.

The news comes as New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo on Wednesday told the insurance giant to do away with golden parachutes for executives, golf outings and parties while taking government money to stay afloat.

Cuomo said he has the power under state business law to review and possibly rescind any inappropriate AIG spending as long as the Federal Reserve is propping up the huge insurer with almost $123 billion in loans announced since Sept. 16.

"This was an annual event for customers of the AIG property casualty insurance companies in the U.K. and Europe, and planned months before the Federal Reserve Bank of New York's loan to AIG," company spokesman Peter Tulupman said Wednesday morning.
In a prepared statement later in the day, the company said, "We will continue to take all measures necessary to ensure that these activities cease immediately. AIG's priority is to continue focusing on actions necessary to repay the Federal Reserve loan and emerge as a vital, ongoing business."

AIG officials declined to say which AIG executives attended the trip, which reports have said racked up an $86,000 tab. News of the hunting trip surfaced just days after AIG received an additional $37.8 billion loan from the Federal Reserve, on top of a previous $85 billion emergency loan granted last month.

The company said last week it would stop "all non-essential conferences, meetings and activities that do not clearly maximize value and service given the current conditions."

Last month, and just days after the U.S. government stepped in to save AIG with a $85 billion taxpayer-funded loan, the company picked up a $440,000 tab for a week-long retreat at a posh California resort for top-performing insurance agents.

Lawmakers investigating AIG's meltdown said they were enraged that executives of AIG's main U.S. life insurance subsidiary spent a lavish amount on the retreat, complete with spa treatments, banquets and golf outings. Last week, White House Press Secretary Dana Perino called the event "despicable."

At that time, AIG issued a statement saying that the "business event" was planned months before the Sept. 16 bailout and that it was held for top-producing independent life insurance agents, not AIG employees. Of the 100 attendees, only 10 worked for the AIG unit hosting the event, it said.

The insurer said Chief Executive Edward Liddy sent a letter to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson "clarifying the circumstances" of the event. In the letter, Liddy assured Paulson that AIG is "reevaluating the costs of all aspects of our operations in light of the new circumstances in which we are all operating."

The insurer then said it canceled a future California retreat that was to be held later this month.

Regarding the recent hunting trip, "We regret that this event was not canceled," Tulupman said Wednesday.

This has to be a joke, right? The government just spent $123 billion to bail AIG out - a bail out needed because executives at AIG, clouded by greed and selfishness, fucked up and gave mortgages to people who couldn't afford them in order to boost their business, never even thinking that a financial crisis of this magnitude could have them tumbling from atop their ivory towers.

After receiving the first of two loans from the Federal government, AIG executives went on a retreat to a fancy-schmancy California resort and racked up a $440,000 bill. This was just DAYS after AIG received it's first loan (for $85 billion) to help it stay afloat. What on earth would possess anyone to assume that after almost tanking completely, the company could afford to send it's executives on a completely unnecessary retreat? I know what the company was thinking; it was thinking that it could have the American taxpayers foot the bill for the trip and still escape seemingly unscathed from the current financial crisis. How incredibly infuriating!!!!!! The greed and selfishness of AIG executives can be directly attributed to helping destroy the American economy, and then, they have the audacity to keep this trip on the books! Unbe-fucking-lievable.

And on top of that, the company later was the recipient of yet another billion-dollar-loan ($37.9 billion to be exact) and executives go on another taxpayer funded extravaganza -this time it was a hunting expedition in England. AIG big wigs flew on a private get and hunted in the English countryside. Total price tag: $86,000.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't AIG be concentrating on cutting costs and repaying the nearly $123 billion it owes to the Federal government? That seems logical to me, but I guess I have a different opinion than money-grubbing insurance executives who continue to prove themselves to be greedy, selfish, and bottom-feeding by constantly taking advantage of the American people.

How hard would it have been to simply cancel these trips? AIG's spokesperson has said that the company regrets that these trips were not cancelled. Well, that's easy to say, but it's also just as easy to do. I think it would have been understood that keeping the company afloat was just a little bit more important than hunting quail in the English countryside. And obviously, hindsight is 20 / 20. Do you think AIG thought about cancelling said trips beforehand? You betcha. And do you think AIG went ahead with said trips because it thought it could get away with going ahead with them anyway? You betcha. I don't accept the 'these trips were planned way in advance' excuse for a second.

The economy is in crisis ASSHOLES, do you fucking part, and by do your part, I mean, you fucked it all up in the first place; the least you could do is put off your $86,000 hunting trip until all those people who's homes have been foreclosed on (because YOU gave them mortgages they couldn't possibly afford) have somewhere to live again.

Friday, October 3, 2008

I HATE! Night Sweats

Perhaps you've noticed I haven't posted anything for a couple of days. Let's be realistic, you probably didn't notice. But in order to avoid any dramatic diatribes, let me just say that a period of my life has just come to a close and I've been a little down / out of it because of said change.

Anyway, let me get to the point of this post. I haven't been sleeping well for weeks - I would say that I've been waking up several times during the night for seemingly no good reason for the past three or four weeks. I can't figure it out. And just for the record, this major life change occurred after I had already begun to sleep badly.

It started with me waking up out of the blue in the middle of the night. I would wake up at 4 AM, then again at 5 AM, then again at 6 AM, and so on until the morning when I would actually need to get up for work. (And by that time, I was so exhausted, I could barely roll myself out of bed and into the bathroom to shower. Not joke, I think I've fallen asleep in the shower on more than one occasion.)

Sound bad, right? Well it gets worse. Since said life change, I have begun to experience what those in the medical field refer to as 'night sweats'. And let me tell you, they're pretty unpleasant. Now, instead of just waking up in the middle of the night numerous times, (and I'm warning you, this is kind of gross; you may not want to read on) I wake up sweating profusely and freezing. And when I say sweating profusely, I really mean it. Each time I wake up, the back of my shirt is drenched and I am forced to change to a clean one.

What the F? Seriously? This has been going on for a couple of night now and I am already losing my mind! Not only am I constantly exhausted (and drinking more coffee than is humanly possible and probably safe), but I am also going through clean shirts like there is no tomorrow. (And considering that I absolutely hate doing laundry, this by-product of the night sweats verges on being the most deplorable part!) And this is all beside the fact that I absolutely abhor sweating and try my very best to do it as little as possible.

Ugh, so I'm not sure whether I can attribute the night sweats to the 'life change' or what, but I'm really starting to get sick of this business. I need my sleep. I don't want to be doing laundry until I'm 90. And I certainly don't need another thing to be worried about.

Night sweats are idiotic - it's not as if I physically feel ill when I'm waking up during the night. I just wake up sweaty and cold. So pointless! I've been told they're caused by stress, which, given what's going on in my life right now, makes complete sense. Although WebMD says that any of the following can be the cause of said night sweats:

1. Menopause (Fan-fucking-tastic! I'm only 23 - this does not look good for my ovaries.)

2. Idiopathic hyperhidrosis (Apparently, this means your body has an imbalance and produces too much sweat. Great - I'm a sweaty monster.)

3. Infections (I don't need this shit.)

4. Cancer (WebMD says night sweats can be an early sign of cancer - again I'm only 23, cancer would really be most unfortunate.)

5. Medications (I'm not taking any so this must mean I am dieing of cancer.)

6. Hypoglycemia (Not diabetic, so again, clearly I am dieing of cancer.)

7. Hormone disorders (Does this mean I should be crying one moment and jumping up and down the next?)

8. Neurologic conditions (Great - my brain is going to fall out of my ear.)

So now that WebMD has thoroughly scared the shit out of me (which it has done on many many occasions before), I am going to go ponder my impending doom. Remind me to blog about how much I hate WebMD and should never ever look at it again.