Monday, April 7, 2008

I HATE! Apartment Hunting in NYC

I'm dieing a slow and painful death and apartment hunting in New York City is the reason why.

A couple months ago I decided to leave my current (and very cushy) living situation in order to move in with two of my very best friends from college. I was greatly looking forward to the move because I do not feel comfortable in my present apartment. I have no ill will against my current roommates; the motivation behind the move was that these two girls are two birds of a feather and very close friends, and while I was no stranger, I simply felt left out - left out of their conversations, left out of their household shopping trips to Target, etc. I did not feel that the apartment was truly my home and therefore, my morale suffered. I decided that moving in with my two of my best gals would be the perfect remedy and since the decision was made, I've been eagerly looking ahead to our May 1st move-in date.

But much to my dismay, it hasn't been all roses and daisies. I GROSSLY underestimated the level of difficulty in finding a new 3 bedroom apartment. I've spent countless hours on the phone with brokers and apartment owners inquiring about apartment listings and trying to arrange viewing times. I've sent 3,290,247,325 emails to apartment listings on Criagslist - most of which went SO VERY RUDELY unanswered. I've dealt with a few real estate companies who have tried to make me pay to just see apartments.

I now know that when a lisiting claims to have 3 bedrooms, this does necessarily mean the apartment has 3 real, already constructed bedrooms. I've become all too familiar with the term "3 bedroom convertible" - a term that should read "This apartment has only TWO already-built bedrooms, but could fit a third if you wanted to spend $1500 to build an additional wall. And by COULD, we mean it's possible to create another bedroom, but you won't be able to fit anything more than your bed inside and you'll feel like you're living in a shoebox."

I can't even count how many times I've been duped by such verbal trickery. DAMN YOU "3 bedroom convertible"!

In addition, THIS CITY IS SO F-ING EXPENSE! It's enough to make me want to run screaming home to murderous streets of Philadelphia. Apartment hunting on a just-out-of-college, assistant's salary (or in my case HOURLY WAGE) is like having a bucket of cold water thrown in your face. Never have I more greatly appreciated the past 21 years I spent being financially supported by my parents.

Finding a three bedroom apartment in New York (and no, I know what you're thinking; we're not being uber picky - we're considering Brooklyn as well) on a budget is not an easy undertaking.

And on top of all of that, please consider that we are three young women trying to find an apartment that is pleasing to all of us. That includes finding a mutually acceptable location - one which allows us each to get to our respective places of work with relative ease. It also includes finding an apartment with three equally-sized and equally-windowed bedrooms. And while I don't give two hoots about the state of our kitchen (as I may actually be the antithesis of culinary master), my two roommates are, in fact, able to concoct meals for themselves and will need a working kitchen.

We also must consider bathroom size (we actually came across a bathroom so small, the sink was on the oustide), if the building has an elevator or is a walk-up (and if so, how many flights up - will), and if each of us will be provided with privacy (all three of us are wifed-up... in the sense that we all have boyfriends and will want to have sex without everyone else being able to hear every movement and every noise - NOT in the sense that we are each someone's wife. It would definitely be weird if each of us was married, but lived together without our husbands...).

Sorry - I'm back on track. Basically, I am going crazy. There is so much to consider and I can't even begin to explain how difficult it has been to try to coordinate three schedules in order to even just view apartments!

We started our search mid-March, in hopes of getting a leg up on the competition. I wanted to find an apartment as soon as we could so I wouldn't have to stress about it, but every broker I spoke to at that point told me that it was too early to look. BUT NOW, I am looking and brokers are telling me it's TOO LATE to find anything good. If i hear "Wow, you're really cutting it close" one more time, I am going to rip all of my hair out of my head. I CANNOT WIN here. It's impossible!

Jesus, I really needed to get that out of my system.

P.S. If anyone wants to give me an apartment, let me know. I maye be homeless in a couple weeks.

P.P.S. Did I mention that I was actually stood up by a broker this weekend? The dude was supposed to show me what I potentially thought could have very well been "The One" (the apartment, not the broker), but he NEVER SHOWED UP! Can you believe it? I feel like I'm hunting for my future husband or something.

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