Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I HATE! Those Annoying People from The Hills

Today, I came across a highly hilarious article giving background details on the 'feud' between Mary-Kate Olsen and Spencer Pratt. For all of you guys lucky enough to be living under a rock, Spencer Pratt is that obnoxious guy from The Hills who is obnoxiously attached to the hip of that obnoxious girl with fake boobs named Heidi Montag who is obnoxiously feuding with that other obnoxious chick from The Hills, Lauren Conrad. The alleged feud began when MK mentioned on Letterman that she and SP had gone to high school together and that she remember that he used to storm off the school's soccer field in fits of fury. Then SP, being the media whore that he is, fired back, calling MK 'the ugly twin'. Then it occurred to me: Why is this idiot Spencer Pratt messing with someone who will forever be infinitely more famous and wealthy than him? He isn't even on the same plane as MK. He just wishes he was. But Spencer Pratt is not the only retard on the The Hills; they are all beyond obnoxious. Can I bring to attention all the needless attention garnered by Lauren Conrad after people 'found out' that she allegedly made that sex tape with her douchy ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler? What about those supposedly 'leaked' topless pictures of Audrina Patridge? And Heidi Montag? Everything about that chick is laughable. And the more ridiculous thing about these kids? None of them are really famous for anything, yet none of them can seem to stay out of the limelight for more than two seconds, which makes them even more obnoxious. If that's even possible.

Before I delve into exactly why it is that I hate The Hills, let me just emphasize how hilarious I think it is that the flash-in-the-pan obnoxiousness that is Spencer Pratt thinks he can publicly bad mouth one of the Olsen twins and think that it would make any sort of difference to anyone. Everyone hates you Spencer Pratt; and no one is going to start vehemently hating MK just because you said she was the ugly twin. As if!

So let me get down to the nitty gritty. From Day 1, I hated Laguna Beach. While many of my peers were plunking themselves down in front of their TVs to catch the drama unfold between Lauren Conrad and Kristen Cavallari, I was off doing more important and less idiotic things, i.e. not killing my brain cells by watching obnoxious teens from Laguna Beach contemplating what size frappaccino to get from Starbucks.

But clearly, I am in the minority here, as MTV went out and gave Lauren Conrad her own spin-off. The Hills is even more mindless than it's predecessor, if that's even possible. This time we have obnoxious twenty-somethings contemplating... actually, I don't even know what they do on thew show because I refuse to watch it.

My problem doesn't really lie in the fact that the show is scripted, even though it claims to be reality (and there are numerous examples of slip-ups that prove this). It lies in the fact that these people are not interesting; they have nothing to offer to society. In fact, they only add to the growing superficiality and self-absorption that has come to define pop culture and the entertainment industry today. These girls (and few fellows) are not role models. The live unrealistic lives and set unattainable expectations for young girls watching the show. All they do is feud internally, sit in offices pretending to do work, call the paparazzi on themselves, and garner unnecessary public attention. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Lauren Conrad has not done much to improve the planet - and creating a line of overpriced, unoriginal dresses doesn't count for anything.

I don't even want to get started on Heidi Montag. Let me list the things I have involuntarily learned about her via the Internet and TV: she had a really obvious-looking boob job. She is attached to the hip to her creepy, and pretty unremarkable boyfriend / manager (hahaha - what an idiotic career move) Spencer Pratt. She wants to be a singer. So badly, in fact, that she had Creepy Spencer film her self-produced music videos with a handheld camera. She created a line of clothes, excuse me, she created a line of costumes for stippers that she pedals for 100 times more than the entire line is worth. She is a Republican and plans to vote for John McCain (if she actually knows anything about politics, I would be utterly and completely shocked). And while I wish I could say that she is hideous, she is, unlike someone I'll just call Lauren Conrad, not bad to look at. At least she's got that going for her.

But the real issue here is that I do not watch The Hills. In fact, I try to steer clear of it at all costs, but The Hills people have an annoying knack of popping up everywhere, making it literally impossible to ignore them. I know so much about everyone on that f-ing show, yet I've never watched even a moment of it. There is something just so wrong about that.

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