Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I HATE! Muscle Tees

It's been a while, I realize, but I really think that the Prozac is preventing me from becoming enraged as easily and as often. Modern medicine's a wonderful thing, isn't it? Although it considerably cuts down on original content for this blog.

Anyway, I was sitting on the train this morning as it pulled into the 14th Street Station, when a unremarkable-looking fellow boarded and sat down across the aisle from me. There wasn't much about him that caught the eye, so I quickly gave him the once-over and went back to my book. But then... I noticed something that made my blood boil - a feeling that I haven't been privy to in quite some time; the man was wearing a muscle tee! A muscle tee! A muscle tee! Excuse me, but I don't recall travelling back in time to 1985.

To be clear, there is no excuse for wearing a muscle tee. Some, including my own father, may argue that muscle tees are 100% acceptable while working out at the gym (or in his very unique case, worn while working out, but on top of a second fully-sleeved tee shirt), but I remain firm in my opinion that muscle tees are vomit-inducing. I can't pinpoint exactly what is it about the MT that drives me bonkers, but I suspect it has something to do with the high neck / no sleeves combo - truly offensive!

Women should never wear muscle tees. And to be fair, I'm not really complaining about women here; it's more of a male phenomenon. Sans sleeves, a tee shirt, AKA a muscle tee, reveals hairy man armpits. I don't want to see your hairy man armpits - working out or ANYWHERE ELSE! Hairy man armpits are not attractive. If I could somehow convince the world that men should also be socially required to shave their armpits, I would.

Another point in the CON column would have to be the fact that the muscle tee, with it's ripped (or cut-off) sleeves, is strikingly white trash. Sitings of muscle tees conjure up images of trailer parks, pick-up trucks, Marlboro Reds, 40s of Olde English, and toothless guys named Bo. This statement is not intended to offend - I'm sure there are plenty of upstanding citizens residing in trailer parks these days, but you know what I'm trying to say here. The muscle tee belongs far from New York City streets.

(Note: I found the picture above on a website called - I'm going to pray that the site doesn't get a lot of traffic. We can't afford to have any guys walking around looking like that. And really - what guy would wear that shirt?)

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