Monday, September 22, 2008

I HATE! Being Out of Shape

On a whim, I decided to join an indoor soccer league - something I am actually very excited about. First of all, I haven't been able to play soccer - one of my most favorite past times - in close to 5 years. (Ok, ok - it's not as if I wasn't able to due to some sort of injury or lack of time; it's just that I never got off of my lazy ass and signed up for a league.) Second of all, I have pretty much been a blob for the last year and half and have not been motivated to exercise in any way, shape, or form. After realizing that my waist size has been expanding at an exponential rate, I decided that it was finally time to do something about it - lest lose the ability to fit into any of my jeans... right in the nick of time for skirt weather (read: elastic waistband weather) to head out the door. So in lieu of running once every 5 months, I decided that the most promising way to get myself into good shape and a regular exercise routine would be to join a soccer league. And then presto! I would be in shape in no time!

Haha - obviously, there were some major flaws in my plan. Despite having run a couple of times in the past couple weeks (OK - once two weeks ago), I severely underestimated how much being in shape is integral to playing indoor soccer. Let me just bring to the attention of all my readers (haha - all 3 of you!): indoor soccer is quite different from the outdoor stadium-style soccer most are used to. Indoor soccer is played in a much smaller space (usually a gymnasium of some sort), the game is much faster-paced, and even the defensemen don't stay stationary for long.

Good god! Let me tell you that this is sport one must prepare heavily for. The halves are only 25 minutes and in this league there are no rigid rules for when you are allowed to sub in and out, but, seriously, my body was not even close to ready for what I subjected it to. And I've played this sport before - I should have known what was to befall me! It's time to start running... E-V-E-R-Y D-A-Y.

And now, on to the list of injuries I sustained.

1 square inch blood blister on the ball of my right foot
* I could barely walk on it and therefore, was forced to drain it. Fun way to spend a Sunday evening, right?

jammed toe
* I am excited to report that the jammed toe is now black and blue with an intense feeling of pain / pressure coming from behind the nail. I fear the toenail may fall off.

shin splints (on both shins)
* Self-explanatory.

sprained ankle (caused by a previous incident, but aggravated Sunday)
* So, on Friday night, I fell trying to get off of a boat. I rolled my ankle and then tried to play soccer on it on Sunday - dumb, I know.

open wound on left foot (also caused by a previous incident, but aggravated on Sunday)
*This wound was also caused when I fell off of the boat on Friday, but after ace-bandaging the sprained ankle, the wound kind of got stuck to the bandage and ending up looking pretty f-ing disgusting.

Needless to say, I'm in pretty bad shape, both in the respects of physical fitness and injury. I feel like I have the body of an 87-year-old with arthritis. You should see me - I've been hobbling around my office completely hunched over. If I were any closer to the floor, I'd be crawling. How do you get one of those Jazzies? Moral of the story: being out of shape sucks - avoid it at all costs. And don't try to play a physically demanding sport if you have been sitting on your couch for 5 months straight. Take it from me, it won't turn out well.

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