I HATE! Dirty Clean Dishes

When I moved into my very first apartment last summer, I specifically remember one of my roommates (we'll call her Coco) telling me on the sly that the other roommate (we'll call her Muffy) didn't know how to do dishes.' And I assumed that that meant that Muffy just never did them - that she was one of those people who would simply leave her dishes in the sink until someone else would get annoyed that the sink was filled with dirty dishes and do them on her behalf. While this would certainly have been annoying, I later found out that Coco meant that the Muffy actually did not know how to properly wash a dish.

I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that every single dish that I found in our cupboards (and that I did not wash myself) was dirty even though it was supposed to be clean. I don't know what to do! I wasn't going to re-wash all the dishes in the cabinent and I certainly did not feel like re-washing each dish before I went to use it.

Perhaps I am mistaken, but I was under the impression that washing a dish was a pretty simple concept. All you need to do is wet the dish, soap it up via sponge, Brillo pad, scrubbing brush, or whatever your dish-washing weapon of choice may be, scrub off all of the caked-on food, and then rinse under the faucet. Apparently this concept must not be as easy to handle as I had originally thought as I continued to reach into the cabinent and pull out bowls with caked on macaroni, plates sprinkled with green crud, and cups covered in water and soap stains.

First of all, this is gross and second of all, if you're going to wash a dish half-assed, you might as well not wash it at all because when food's been stuck to and dried on a dish for days on end, there's not much hope in getting it off.

Needless to say, I stopped eating at the apartment.

I HATE! Denim on Denim

I have long since known that wearing denim on denim is a crime of fashion. I did not know, however, that there is an official name for this unacceptable practice. Apparently, it's been dubbed the Canadian Tuxedo, which sounds awful even if you don't know what it is.

But alas, I digress. Let me get back on point. The Canadian Tuxedo was suggested to me as a topic I might like to write about (i.e. something I might like to hate) by a dear friend of mine who has been living in Ireland for the past two years or so. I guess I'm to gather that many Irishmen (and don't get me wrong, I would never ever diss my own heritage) have fallen victim to this trend. Perhaps that's why she suggested it? Although, judging from the sheer horrendousness of it (see picture at left - we all remember the 2001 American Music Awards, but unfortunately not for the music or the winners), I would have assumed that this abomination was American-specific.

Regardless, this is definitely something that has been on my radar. Denim on demin, even if the denim matches exactly, is never acceptable. Why wear so much denim? Why not diversify? No one is going to want to look at you if you're wearing the equivalent of a denim jumpsuit. No one is going to know where to look if you're wearing denim from head to toe. It's not just natural. Even the cowboys intermingled a plaid shirt here and there.

And don't even get me started on wearing UN-MATCHING denim on denim. There is no excuse for this. There's nothing I can even say to justify such a thing. This just shouldn't happen. Ever. If you're wearing one wash / color / shade of denim on the bottom, refrain from wearing the jean jacket of a different wash / color / shade. I'm sure there's something else in your closet - another alternative. How about some nice paisly or plaid or gingham? Anything would be preferable to an un-coorindated denim jacket or shirt.

Let me just explain where the problem lies exactly because I'm not sure I'm being 100% clear. When you wear two different washes of denim, a light wash jean jacket with dark denim jeans for example, you look like you were trying to match, but failed miserably. It just looks trashy. You look straight out of the 80s and I think this is a trend, unlike old-school Ray Bans for example, that we never ever want to be reincarnated. And especially if you're wearing a head-to-toe denim get-up and living and/or visiting New York City, you're basically screaming 'I'm a tourist from some bumblefuck town in the Mid-West, please ridicule me mercilessly, rob me, and strip me of dignity.'

So the moral of the story is that unless you're a cowboy that actually needs to wear a matching denim suit for ranching purposes (and even if you are and you do, you should change before leaving the house to attend a public function), then there is absolutely no need to ever wear denim on both halves of your body.

I HATE! Newspaper Hands

I guess this is something that no one can really control, unless the world's newspaper printers want to rethink the way they've been printing newspapers for hundreds of years. And while I can accept that fact that I may never see the change I so desire, I still do sincerely hate the ink residue that comes off on your hands as you leaf-through and read a newspaper.

It never matters what paper you're reading, when you finish leafing through your chosen periodical, you inevitably find that your hands are covered in a subtle, yet unmistakably annoying newspaper ink-film. This is a phenomenon that I have come to call "Newspaper Hands."

You can't wipe the ink-film off. It will inevitably stain your white shirt. It will leave a black mark on your face. (One that you will probably not even realize you made when you went to rub your eyes or scratch your nose and will remain there until someone is kind enough to tell you it's there. Is it obvious that I've walked around for hours with black smudges on my face and no one's bothered to tell me? I have - and it's embarrassing. Why wouldn't you tell a person something like that? Come on!? But that's an entirely different sitaution that should and probably will have it's own post.) Anyway...back on track - "Newspaper Hands" makes your hands feel dirty and gross - like you can't do anything with your hands until you've washed or Purelled them. It's like your paralyzed!

As annoying as it may be, this is one of the few pet peeves that I have been forced to come to terms with; I understand that printers will never stop using the materials they've been using since this country was founded (isn't the printing press one of the most revered colonial inventions or something like that?), but I do wish that every paper came attached with pair of gloves you could put on before reading - just like a at-home hair coloring kit. Think about it New York Times! I'd appreciate you so much more!