I HATE! Sheep

Have you ever walked into a shopping mall, perhaps in the suburbs (and I'm not discriminating against the suburbs here, but it's just that this trend seems to have garnered the most support in non-city locales), and instantly noticed that every teen girl you encounter looks exactly the same?

Ok - so, if you're confused about the title of this post, let me clarify that I'm not talking about actual sheep here. (Who could hate sheep? They look so soft and comfy!) The term 'sheep' is what my mother and (non-conformist) 16-year-old sister use to refer to the unfortunate uniform-esque look that so many teenage girls have adopted without thought. Specifically, when traveling in packs, this phenomenon makes it impossible to identify an individual girl in the mass of stick-straight hair and head-to-toe Abercrombie / American Eagle. Hence the term sheep - each and every one of them look the same.

I find the term sheep hilarious, and hence, have decided to write angerly about it, because in the fashion melting pot that is New York City, these so-called 'sheep' stick out like a sore thumb after being slammed in a car door over and over again. So in my case, I can spot a 'sheep' - complete with thermal half-button down Abercrombie top emblazoned with the unmistakable moose logo, faded and rhinestoned American Eagle jeans with strategically-placed pre-ripped knee, Uggs, and stick-straight flat-ironed hair - a mile away, as if they had been tragically stolen away from their native habitat and dropped helpless and alone into a foreign setting.

I mean, I understand wanting to fit in with your friends, but isn't becoming a carbon copy of every other girl in Middle America a tad overkill? Seriously girls - you look foolish. No one's going to appreciate your uncanny ability to look exactly like your friends after you hit the 17 year-old mark. If you're a typical teenage girl and acceptance is the most coveted thing since the Ugg boot, spare yourself the horror that will inevitably surface within you during the first couple of weeks of college when you realize that being an Abercrombie robo-clone doesn't fly anymore.

To be honest, when I see a flock of sheep walking toward me, I want to laugh. It's 100% pathetic that you have to loose every ounce of your individualism to retain your friends. I wonder what would happen if one sheep strayed from the pack and, gasp - god forbid, bought something at a store other than Abercrombie! Would she be cast out of the group? Would she be shunned by the opposite sex? Would her parents disown her? No! The only thing that might be derived from this situation is that one member of the group might finally step out of the collective shadow and be noticed as an individual.

Not quite ready (or brave enough) to shed the Middle America Mall Attire? Here's a suggestion: maybe keep the Abercrombie top, but pair it with a sassy skirt (Side Note: I can't believe I just wrote the word 'sassy', but it just seemed to flow through my fingertips and onto the screen) or wear the perfectly-manufactured jeans with a unique tee-shirt (read: one that not everyone else you know has in another color) and sneakers. Ignore the fact that I sound like the moderator for a kiddy fashion show at Sears - you see my point: it's easy to incorporate a few 'sheep' pieces into your wardrobe without completely succumbing to the teeny-bopper fashion set (and without being cast out of your group for straying from the dress code).

I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I showed up at school wearing the same outfit as someone else, I was embarrassed - not pleased. Maybe times have changed since I was in high school, maybe now it's cool to look exactly like the girl that sits behind you in English class. I realize this post was a bit of a diatribe, but seriously, Abercrombie uses child labor, the clothes are made from the cheapest materials possible, and frankly, nothing in the store is that cute. We're talking Abercrombie here, not couture!

Disclaimer: Before I get called out, I am freely admitting that I owned those chunky Steve Madden sandals that every other girl in high school at the time had. In fact, I had them in black and brown.

I HATE! Unibrows

The above is a still from the footage CNN took from inside the Mormon compound in Texas, right after all the children had been taken and put into protective custody. While this is a very serious issue, that is obviously not what I intend to blog about. I would like everyone out there (all 2 of you) to guess, judging from the above photo, what I will be blogging about today.


You guessed it... the UNIBROW! I will admit that I hate the unibrow and half love it. The thought of having one long eyebrow is so amusing to me that I would possibly be willing to put aside all (or a little bit) of my hatred for it. I think, maybe the line between my love and hate for the unibrow, in fact, depends on whether the wearer of 'the brow' is male or female.


If the wearer is a woman, she is obviously a pimp because if you are a woman and don't know that women should never ever ever have a unibrow, then you're totally living in your own isolated little bubble (i.e. polygamist compound in Texas) and don't care about societal norms and more power to your for defying the modern-day expectations. I mean, I would never sport the uni, but I respect the woman who has the courage to walk around with what looks to be a caterpillar taking a nap on her brow bone.


On the other side of this argument, which I admit is 100% sexist by the way, there is the man who sports the uni - unacceptable! NO woman is attracted to a guy with a unibrow (which is not to say that men are actually attracted to women with unibrows), but seriously fellows, just because you're a guy and you are usually less hygienic then your female counterparts, does not mean you can walk around without tweezing. It's very necessary.


Take this scenario for example: Two of my friends and I were in a pub in Ireland, imbibing an laughing, when we were approached by a nice Irish fellow with the WORST UNIBROW I HAVE EVER SEEN. It was straight across, not even a little less hair in the middle - it was completely the same thickness ALL THE WAY ACROSS. Of course he tried to hit on one of the girls I was with and of course, she couldn't even bare to look to him because of the brow. There was a chance that he could have been a decent-looking fellow if he had had two brows instead of one, but no one could see past the brow. We just laughed and laughed even though we tried not to. And the poor fellow probably had no idea why we were cackling like hyenas. We weren't even trying to be mean, but how can you seriously try to approach a girl with a brow like that? Seriously??




And the thing is, it's very easy to fix a unibrow. All you need is some tweezers. It may a take awhile, but it's as easy as plucking those stray hairs (or thick bush, whatever may the case be) away!

And if the solution is this simple, doesn't that mean there's no excuse for a uni?

I HATE! Hipsters

I think it's safe to say that living in New York City has made me slightly more sensitive to this particular issue than might be considered normal. My justification is thus: New York City and the surrounding borough of Brooklyn seemingly birthed the Hipster trend and therefore, these two boroughs boast the most concentrated population of Hipsters.

As I work in Manhattan and live in Brooklyn, I literally cannot escape the Hipster influx. But before I get ahead of myself, let me explain, for those of you who have been fortunate enough never to have come across one of these curious creatures, what exactly a Hipster is.

You can normally find a Hipster traipsing or sulking around the Lower East Side of Manhattan, New York University's Washington Square campus, or the Williamburg neighborhood of Brooklyn. The Hipster uniform consists of tight, usually black, skinny jeans topped off with a studded belt and black Converse All-Stars laced up tightly. Band tee shirts, hoodies, or leather jackets tend to complete the look. Dyed jet-black and/or spikey hair and innumerable piercings are optional, but a true Hipster (or a really-dedicated poser) will have all of the above. The Hipster sulks, or sometimes skateboards, around his chosen haunt with an air of superiority, looking down at anyone who doesn't comply with or adhere to THE LIFESTYLE.

Now, to be honest, I'm not sure exactly just what it is a Hipster does, other than shoot non-Hipsters dirty and disapproving looks. I've heard they're artsy and like underground bands and eccentric art, but really, who knows? I think they may like to skateboard as well. I'm sure there are also ALOT of posers who just try to look the part, but, like me, don't really know what the intimate details of being a Hipster entail.

Don't get me wrong - I am accepting of ALL lifestyles. I don't care what you do...as long as you're not an asshole to me as a result. And this brings me to my main problem with the Hipster: no joke, everytime I've encountered one of these so-called Hipsters, I am given a dirty, disapproving, or "You're Beneath Me" look. Just because I don't wear suffocatingly tight black skinny jeans and Converse All-Stars everyday of my life, does not make me a bad person. Just because I don't wear my hair black and spikey doesn't mean I'm not intelligent. Just because I don't rock the studded belt and leather jacket EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE doesn't indicate that I'm not capable of stepping outside the social norm.

As I said, I am no stranger to the Hipster. I went to NYU. I work in Manhattan and I live in Brooklyn. Hipsters are more common than taxis in this city. And I've NEVER met (or even just walked by) a Hipster that didn't shoot me one of THOSE looks. Seriously. I kid you not.

So I pose this question: What makes the Hipster feel as if he is so much better than the rest of us? And also, since the "Hipster Movement" has ballooned into such a huge phenomenon and all "Hipsters" now dress the same, each dressing in the same unisex uniform, doesn't that make them just as bad as the rest of the population?

Thoughts? Maybe I should take on the Hipster persona for a few days and see what new information that leads me to. Perhaps once you put on the combination of the skinny jeans, studded belt, band tee, leather jacket, and Converse you just instantaneously morph into the Hipster, both in appearance and attitude. Maybe it's like Captain Planet..."With our powers combined..." - that sort of thing. For example, instead of saying "Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Heart" you say "Tight Black Skinny Jeans, Converse All-Stars, Studded Belt, Leather Jacket, Black Spikey Hair" and then it just happens - the Ultimate Hipster appears before you in the mirror. I think I'll try it this weekend. I'm pretty sure I own all the components of the Hipster uniform. (Not that I've ever worn them together!)

Look out world - if you thought I was bitchy and insane normally, it may be about to get ALOT worse...

Hipster Liz anyone?